The Americans With No Abilities Act

A hat tip to 216


The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA).

Congress isconsidering sweeping legislation which
will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans
With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major
legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans
who lack any real skills or ambition."

Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the
competence anddrive necessary to carve out a meaningful
role for themselves in society,"said California Senator Barbara Boxer.
"We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability
to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers
will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of
workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing."

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosiand
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the
U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing
opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74
percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency
the singlelargest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination
against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry
(68%), and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%).
At the state governmentlevel, the Department of Motor Vehicles
also has a great record ofhiring Persons of Inability (63%).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million
"middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding
titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of
purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be
given, toguarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable
employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to
corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of
Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax
credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire
one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNA Act contains tough new measures to make
it moredifficult to discriminate against the Nonabled--banning,
for example,discriminatory interview questions such as
"Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?"

"As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people
who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost
her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint,
Michigan, dueto her lack of any discernible job skills.
"This new law should reallyhelp people like me." With the passage of
this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a
light at the end ofthe tunnel.

Said Senator Ted Kennedy: "As a Senator With No Abilities,
I believethe same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought
to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our
duty as lawmakers toprovide each and every American citizen,
regardless of his or her adequacy,with some sort of space to
take up in this great nation."